


Jealousy

by gullivers



Category: Orphan Black (TV)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-18
Updated: 2014-04-18
Packaged: 2018-01-19 20:23:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,153
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1482712
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gullivers/pseuds/gullivers
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Just a short fic about what might have been going through Alison's mind in 1.04 when she found out that Sarah has a biological daughter and when Felix asked her to impersonate Sarah.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> My apologies for any errors, writing is not a strong suit for me and English is not my first language! The dialogue itself is the same as the dialogue from the show, so credit for that goes to the original writers.

“I have a family too, Alison – my daughter.”

Alison had been under the impression that she was the only mother of all the clones, and this admission unsettled her. “Your daughter?” She hadn’t meant to lower her voice, but her question came out barely louder than a whisper.

Sarah, oblivious to Alison’s shock, continued. “Yeah. Her name’s Kira, and I’m meant to be seein’ her today but there’s this killer up my ass, so…”

Alison’s brow furrowed as she tried to steady her breathing. “Wait, is she your biological child, or…or adopted, like mine?”

“Mine. Why?”

This revelation hit Alison even harder. _Mine._ Sarah, this reckless low-life that Alison had disapproved of from the start, had her own biological child. _Mine._ Sarah had never experienced the trauma of infertility and the searing guilt that accompanied every failed pregnancy test. _Mine._ Sarah had never had to answer invasive queries from friends about choosing to adopt. _Mine._ Sarah had never had to stammer out a rehearsed answer about how she would manage to raise children from another race – children that were not truly hers. _Mine._ Sarah’s daughter _was_ truly hers, and Alison could never say the same about Gemma and Oscar without feeling like she was lying.

The paper bag holding the money from Beth’s account rustled in Alison’s trembling hands. She quickly turned away from Sarah, unable to face her any longer. Alison proceeded to find a safe place to hide the bag, grateful to have something tangible in her hands to stifle her impulse to reach for the bottle of pills stashed in the drawer beside her.

Still floundering, Alison glanced at her watch, surprised to see that only a few moments had passed since Sarah had unwittingly sent her into upheaval. Her first instinct was to ask herself what Beth would do, but thinking about Beth was still too painful. Alison felt a lump rise in her throat but she refused to break in front of Sarah, so after what seemed like an eternity, she finally spoke again.

“Don’t you think you should have told us about that before?”

Considering the nauseating feeling in her gut, Alison remained remarkably poised, but she couldn’t comprehend the words tumbling so nonchalantly out of Sarah’s mouth. She reached for a pile of laundry and began folding it methodically, trying to focus on what Sarah was saying.

“…Beth was on this killer’s hit list, and now I am.”

“What am I supposed to do about it?” Alison snapped, her anger becoming visceral. Cleaning and organizing were normally soothing to Alison but the knot in her stomach wasn’t going away.

Sarah recoiled, and her expression made it clear that she did not understand the motive behind Alison’s increasingly venomous behaviour. Alison felt herself blush, embarrassed that she had made Sarah shrink back like that. Alison had always prided herself on her ability to conceal her ugly thoughts and plaster a forced smile on her face; feigning politeness was an art that she had learned to perfect from dealing with annoying in-laws and neighbours. She began to try to suppress her jealousy, drawing in a slow breath before turning to face Sarah again.

“How can I help?”

Her offer lacked complete sincerity but if Sarah noticed, she pretended not to. Alison closed her eyes and timed her breathing, remembering the advice Beth had given her whenever she panicked, and tried earnestly to regain her composure. It was only once Sarah had left that Alison let herself collapse, consumed by envy and overwhelming grief.


	2. Chapter 2

Alison let out a cynical laugh, her tone dripping with contempt. “I’m sorry, but she wants me to impersonate her – in front of her own daughter – who she hasn’t seen in almost a year.” She knew that Felix was going to test her patience as soon as she let him into the house, but she was still unprepared for the stomach-turning jealousy to erupt again.

Her anger was palpable, and she could barely even process the ridiculous task that Felix was asking her to do because her mind was too overcome with bitterness. Her frustrations rose to the surface again as she dwelled on how _wrong_ it was that Sarah could just abandon her own daughter while Alison went above and beyond to be a good mother to Gemma and Oscar. Alison was grateful that Sarah wasn’t there, because she felt an overwhelming urge to hit her.

“Ten months,” Felix argued, trying in vain to soften the harsh reality of Sarah’s abandonment of her daughter.

“This is terrible parenting, Felix. I mean…that poor child.”

Alison continued to fixate about just how unfair this whole situation was. She began cataloguing her memories, recalling every ordeal that her infertility had caused, and her jealousy intensified as she thought about how lucky Sarah was to have escaped that pain. Sarah had never been stared at openly when she was with her family in public. Sarah had never been subjected to the embarrassment of being asked to point to which child was hers on the soccer field and then receiving confused looks when she gestured towards one from a different race. Seething, Alison realized that Sarah had probably never taken Kira to any of her activities at all. Considering how unhelpful Donnie was, Alison was fiercely proud of her parenting abilities and yet it was Sarah, this undeserving crook, who had been fortunate enough to be given a child of her own. Sarah took for granted the one thing that Alison could never have, and no matter how much they needed each other, Alison doubted that she could ever forgive her for that.

Felix pressed on, desperate to win Alison over. “I don’t think you understand the situation here. If Sarah misses tonight, then she may never get Kira back.”

“I’m sorry, but a request like this…maybe the child is better off with your foster mother.”

Felix reacted indignantly, as Alison sensed he would. “Excuse me? Sarah was out there, risking her life, playing cat and mouse with killer clone so that your kids don’t end up orphans, and you think that she should lose her child for that? I think you need to step up here, sister.”

Alison paused to consider this. As much as Sarah did not deserve Kira, she knew that no child should have to cope without parents. Again, she counted out a few slow, deep breaths, and the knot in her stomach began to give way. She loathed being the person who people turned to in order to fix every problem that arose. Her reliability was a blessing and a curse, and the pressure of being needed was unbearable at times, but this was a role she had grown accustomed to, and one that she resigned herself to accept yet again. Perhaps her jealousy would never subside, but Alison would carry on despite it as she always did, fragile yet determined.


End file.
